Nihil
by KuroFullbuster
Summary: Basically a oneshot describing Gray's thoughts as he is newly dead, in the White. Deeply psycological, depressing, and can put you in a sad mood. Read if you want to be intrigued...;


**Ciao, people. Here's another angst fic cuz I'm in the mood.**

**Beware my English...jk, 'tis not that bad.**

**Disclaimer: I no own**

**Warning: CONFUSING, DEPRESSING, **_**EXTREMELY PSYCOLOGICAL **_**STUFF GOING ON HERE.**

**Gray's POV**

**Enjoy!:3**

**...**

_'Nihility is having nothing,_

_and having nothing to lose._

_If that isn't "happiness",_

_Then what is?_

_There is nothing_

_In you,_

_And in me.'_

_-Ulquiorra, Bleach Unmasked_

_**Nihil**_

_It's been awhile now, hasn't it?_

_I don't know how much time has passed._

_There is no clock here_

_There is no time here._

_I can look all I want,_

_But I will never actually 'see'._

Nothing.

_I've been laying here for a while now._

_The floor is white._

_I wonder if it's cold._

_My body hasn't moved in a while._

_I wonder if it hurts._

_I can't feel anything._

_Not even numbness._

_My fingers brush the surface,_

_But they don't feel._

_I can touch anything I want, _

_But I will never actually 'feel.'_

Nothing.

_I haven't eaten for a while now._

_I wonder if I'm hungry._

_But I can't taste anything._

_Food and drink lost their appeal._

_I can only 'consume' one thing;_

_I don't know what it is._

_But it is heavey,_

_And it's not consumed_

_Via the mouth._

_I can consume anything that I want_

_But I will never actually 'taste'._

Nothing.

_It's been quiet for a while now._

_There isn't anything._

_Not a groan._

_Not a shift or rustle._

_Not even a breath._

_I can listen all I want._

_But I will never actually 'hear'._

_Why is it so white?_

_So empty?_

_Up?_

_White._

_Down?_

_White._

_Right?_

_White._

_Left? _

_White._

_There used to be more._

_There used to be_

_Black,_

_Grey,_

_And Red._

_Lots of grey and black._

_It used to be so dark._

_I didn't like it dark._

_I wanted it to be white._

_Funny,_

_How I used to wish for white._

For Nothing.

_But now,_

_Now that it is white,_

_I wish for_

_Grey and black._

_For darkness._

_I even wish for red._

_A long time ago,_

_Before it was dark,_

_Red was bad._

_Red meant bad._

_It meant pain._

_Then when it was dark,_

_Red was good._

_Red was welcomed._

_It was made._

_It meant release._

_The only thing that stood out _

_In the darkness,_

_Was the red._

_Every night there was red._

_The red came from the white._

_And it also led to the White._

_One night,_

_It was really dark._

_Darker then it had ever been._

_So red was made._

_And it brought peace._

_So more was made._

_But then,_

_There was a lot of red._

_Too much,_

_Too much red._

_And it took over everything._

_Washed away all the grey, _

_And all the black, _

_The darkness._

_And then the red_

_Turned White._

_And that's how it is now._

_No grey._

_No black._

_Not even red._

_It doesn't hurt anymore._

_It doesn't eat away at me,_

_Consume me anymore._

_Nor does it rain._

_I remember,_

_How it used to rain._

_It would pour,_

_Down my face,_

_Down my body,_

_Onto the floor._

_Then it would join the rest;_

_The rest of the rain._

_And it would be an ocean,_

_A big, salty ocean._

_Before it was dark,_

_Rain was bad._

_It was sad._

_Meant hurt and sadness._

_But when it was dark,_

_It rained every night._

_Poured, it did._

_The salty rain poured,_

_Every night,_

_From my eyes._

_And then the rain cleared._

_And turned to White._

_Like it is now._

_There was once a time,_

_Long, long ago,_

_Even before the darkness,_

_When it was colorful._

_No rain,_

_No red,_

_No darkness,_

_No white,_

_No Nothing,_

_It was _

Everything.

_So colorful and filled._

_There was laughter _

_And there was love._

_Most importantly,_

_There was happiness._

_But then all the colors,_

_Started to mute._

_To go dull._

_All the colors began to turn,_

_And then became,_

_Black;_

_And grey._

_And when it was only_

_Black and grey,_

_I thought that,_

_There needed to be something more._

_Something to fill the void._

_To fill the emptiness._

_Something,_

_That was close to,_

_That resembled,_

_That could take the place of,_

_Color._

_And that thing,_

_That seemingly wonderful thing,_

_Was red._

_And so there was red._

_Lots and lots of red._

_The red that was meant to_

_Fill the emptiness,_

_Stop the rain,_

_Replace color,_

_And end the pain._

_But the red,_

_No matter how much,_

_Would not work._

_It would just not do._

_And that's when_

_I wished for_

_The White._

_After the color was gone,_

_I thought that it would be over._

_I was wrong._

_There was darkness,_

_Darkness and red._

_But I didn't like that._

_It wasn't good enough._

_In fact it was horrible._

_So I wished for White._

_To take me away,_

_To consume all the darkness and the red._

_To take the seeming nothingness,_

_And make it real, pure_

_Nothingness._

_White._

_But the White wouldn't come_

_On its own._

_So I took matters into my own hands._

_I made it white._

_The red came from the white._

_But I wanted White._

_First there was color._

_Then the color was consumed by_

_Grey and black._

_Then the darkness was consumed by_

_Red._

_Lots and lots of red._

_So if I wanted White,_

_It would have to consume the red._

_But first,_

_Everything would have _

_To be red._

_So I took even more from the white,_

_More red from the white,_

_Until it was_

_All red._

_When everything was red,_

_It started to become White._

_The more red there was,_

_The faster White _

_Would come._

_And then,_

_When there was so much red,_

_Too much red,_

_It became White._

_So now,_

_Here I am,_

_In the White._

_Though I guess that,_

_It is my White;_

_My own personal White._

_This is what I wished for?_

_This White?_

_This White,_

_That is just,_

_A bunch of white?_

_This is true Nothing._

_Not Everything;_

_I guess that was the color._

_Is this what it will be like,_

_For the rest of..._

_This?_

_White is all time,_

_Yet no time._

_White is everything I ever knew,_

_Yet now nothing that I know._

_White is what I always wanted,_

_Yet what I now hate._

_White is silence,_

_Yet silence, White, is everything I hear._

_White is absolutely Nothing._

_Yet now, it is Everything._

_Color is first,_

_Then it is darkness,_

_Then it is red,_

_Then it is White._

_Nothing comes from White._

_White comes from nothing._

_There is White in you,_

_And in me._

_There is nothing in you,_

_And in me._

**There is no escaping the White.**

**o.O **

**That scared me. That was NOT what I had in mind at all. **

**REVIEW PLEASE! I REALLY wanna see what you guys though of this one.**

**Aaannd...if you were wondering...yes, Gray is dead...**

**REVIEW!**

**-KuroFullbuster**


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